


The Shelby Way - Shelby Sister

by OwnerOfAllTears



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: A whole lot of angst, Gen, Reader Insert, but to have fluff, it will have fluff, shelby insert, shelby reader, you need
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwnerOfAllTears/pseuds/OwnerOfAllTears
Summary: Always overlooked, Always Ignored. Treated like a child who hadn't grown out of her diapers. You got tired, and wanted out. And if something you learnt from your family, is that if you want something, you do everything you can to get it.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 68





	1. Done

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has been sitting in my WIPs since June. And actually I began plotting this in May. Yes, five months to turn an idea into something mildly readable. The thing is that I planned it to be a one shot, but if I did it would either have to be too long or leave out too many important parts. So, if people like this and get interested, I will continue with the story. Hope you enjoy!

Being the youngest Shelby meant having the protection of your brothers and being absolutely untouchable, but also meant being completely overlooked and babied, even 3 months before turning 16. You had always been told you were a holiday blessing, having been born in Christmas Eve, minutes before the stroke of midnight. The family’s joy, however, was short lived. With their mother’s death two months after the birth of her youngest daughter, and their father walking out on them just weeks after that, it was up to the elder boys to provide for the family and raise Finn and you.

As far as you were aware, Polly was your mother, while Arthur and Tommy shared the fatherly duties. Although over the years, Tommy became more of a parental figure, being the one who put out rules and gave life lessons and advice, while the eldest Shelby was the one to spoil you rotten, behind Tommy’s back of course. John was your confidant and the only one willing to follow up with your crazy ideas and let you get away with them, while Ada was the one to cover up for your many mischiefs. And Finn? Well, he was Finn, and you loved him just the way he was.

You had a life you couldn’t complain about. Everyone went out of their way to make sure you were well fed, dressed and educated since the second you were born. You were the one who made it the farthest in school, never went to bed hungry or had to wear shoes with holes in the soles and gaps in the seams. A seemingly perfect life, which had slowly but steadily declined as the business soared and the family began to fall apart piece by piece, like petals falling off a withering rose. Money was a vile and perverted thing, and had gotten deep into their heads, ambition slowly seeping into their hearts and always making them want more. Before you realized, Tommy had purchased an enormous state to live with his new wife and son, and you had been snatched from your family and home to live with him away from Small Heath. In his eyes, none of them was as capable as taking proper care of you as himself.

For a moment, life had improved again, or as much as it could in circumstances like these. At this age, you were still going to school, an oddity in the family, but even that still left many empty hours every day. The horses and the gardens filled in the gap of not seeing your siblings or Polly for days or weeks at a time and the staff were kind enough to teach you about cooking and sewing to keep you busy and let you feel useful. You didn’t interact much with Grace, since you disliked her deeply and she made no effort to socialize with you either. But there was one moment at day when you truly enjoyed her presence.

Every night she laid Charlie down to sleep and sang him a lullaby. You would tiptoe from your room to the nursery, shielding yourself in the shadows as you listened closely to the her voice, bringing back sweet memories of better times and a happier family; when you were all cramped in the old Watery Lane house and had to share bedrooms and fight for the bathroom. Sometimes, that memory alone was enough to make you cry, your sleeve stuffed in your mouth to quiet down the sobs. Even if you hated her, you secretly had to thank Grace for that small glimpse of happiness she gave you, even if it was unknowingly.

And then tragedy struck.

It was like seeing a candle extinguished in the wind, it just happened in the blink of an eye. Tommy crashing down from his high throne, like Icarus losing his wings. He was no longer a husband, nor your brother, he was barely even a man; dragging himself through life, forcing himself to survive until the next day. He pushed away his family, his son, and of course you, the angel who had once been the apple of his eyes. His heart had been shattered, and with it any chance he may have harboured of a happy life. Every little step he had taken to heal himself since returning from France just vanished in thin air.

Gone in the night when the first stars dotted the sky, and returning after the morning lights had peeked over the horizon and the dew was drying from the stones. Charlie called out for his mama every night and his papa didn’t come to console him. You tried to fill in the role as best as you could, for it seemed as if that poor boy had lost both father and mother at the same time. Tommy’s life had turned into a living nightmare, and he seemed determined to do the same with everyone’s, including yours.

~

“ _You have no right to do that_! _I am not a child anymore!_ ” Your voice echoed in the high walls of his office, your tone raising an octave as indignation took over your judgment and love for him. Tommy had summoned you after lunch to present you with a pair of pearl earrings. As you had asked for the reason of such gift, he commented they would go well with your new uniform, for you’d be sent to a boarding school in September.

“ _I do have the right because I am your guardian and I know what’s right for you. It will be good for your education_ ” He didn’t even have the decency to look at you as he spoke, more focused on the cigarette dangling from his lips and the papers under his pen. Sitting behind his grand desk, his presence and indifference made you feel as a schoolgirl being scolded by the headmaster.

“ _Why don’t you face the truth and tell me that you’re just trying to get me out of your way? One less problem to deal with and one less disaster to worry over_ ”

“ _I am not saying that because it is a lie. I have always cared for your future, and I think mingling with our kind will help you become a better person_ ” You could see exactly where he was going. Lately you had been coming back home with muddied clothes and smelling of hay and grass. Or straight up drenched to the bone after taking a swim in a pond, with dried leaves and moss stuck to your fancy dresses. Sometimes you did it for your own amusement; while others you just tried to direct Tommy’s attention to you, even if it was in a bad way.

“ _Our_ _kind? God Tommy are you listening to yourself? Our kind is not the posh ladies and gentlemen you can make business with. In case you forgot, we come from the mud and dirt of Small Heath, and my ‘kind’ is the kids who hang out by the Cut and run barefoot in the dirt, stealing fruits from the market. I am sorry I didn’t learn anything from perfect Grace but-”_

“ _Enough_!” The booming of his voice and his raised finger told you this time you had taken it too far “ _I will not discuss the subject any further. I am your older brother and you have to bow your head and obey me on this one_ ” The ringing of the phone cut the conversation short, but you were already on your way out. Herding cats was easier than getting past his thick skull. Anger bubbled in your chest as you went out to the woods, pondering your options. Your first idea was to move out, but you couldn’t live with any other sibling. Arthur was your best shot, but having Linda criticising your hair and clothes and sending you to church to ask for redemption every Sunday was a hell of its own. If you went to John, he’d be more than happy to have his sister with him, but he would also see you as a free of charge, full time nanny, and caring for seven children was not your cup of tea. Polly would have your ass back in Arrow House in a heartbeat, since she had enough with Michael and Finn and wouldn’t want to antagonize Tommy, at least not when it came to you. Ada would be willing to take you in, but it would take Tommy half a second to figure out your whereabouts and drag you back, and life in London wasn’t exactly your idea of freedom. No friend or acquaintance would hide you for fear of retaliation.

Being the youngest Shelby was a pain in the ass. And you wanted out.

~

This plan of yours was crazy. Bonkers. Absolute madness. And that was precisely what made it more thrilling altogether. It had come to you as you tossed and turned in bed, your mind working at full speed to find a solution for your predicament. Tommy had taken it way too far this time, and the only way to curve your fate was to take it even farther. You were about to fix your life the Shelby way.

Your plan was running against time, but you also needed everything to be perfectly planned because you only had one shot. If you were discovered, forget the school, they would have you thrown into a madhouse. During the week you put together small parts of the plan. Like finding out the number of the closest taxi services, and until what time they operated. What time the late train to London departed. Figuring out for how long Ada would be visiting in Small Heath. Finding someone who would buy some jewellery for a fair price.

The next step was not something you were proud of, but it had to be done. After all, theft was not foreign to you. Ever since you could walk you had been prone to taking anything shiny left close to you, and as you grew older you earned yourself one too many ear pulls for stealing sweets from the candy shop. And so, the day before your escape, you had snuck into Tommy’s bedroom and stolen a small box, containing some of Grace’s old jewels; the ones her first husband bought her. She never wore them and more than once said she’d give them away or donate them to charity. Well you needed some charity right now. You also took out some money from the cellar, how much you couldn’t tell, you just grabbed stack after stack and stuffed them in a bag. He wouldn’t notice right away, after all he could build himself a pool and fill it with bills to swim in.

That Friday night, as the staff went to bed and Tommy off to the fields with his horse, you seized your chance. Your suitcases had been packed since that very morning and left hidden outside by the back door. That day you had made sure everyone in the family saw you. You actually sat along with Thomas for breakfast, went over to offer your help in the betting shop and the Garrison, and had lunch with Ada and Finn. Went to say hello to Michael and the secretaries in the office, and even paid a visit to Linda. Everything with one purpose; the entire clan saw you were in Birmingham that day. A perfect cover up.

As you went up to your bedroom that evening, you told Mary you were feeling rather under the weather and would like not to be disturbed, not even to eat dinner. If you needed anything you would ring, you just wanted to be alone for the weekend. As soon as your door closed you dressed up and waited. Waited until you heard hooves in the backyard. The moment the sound faded away you dashed to the phone and requested a taxi to wait for you at the gates, rather than the main entrance. From there everything was just a passing blur, and before you realized, the taxi was pulling over in the train station, and you were rushing in to purchase a ticket and hop onto the late train. The train to the beginning of your freedom.

~

Another day to live through, another business to handle. Tommy’s life had become nothing more than surviving to his next task. Go on long enough to the next meeting, the next business, the next morning to see his son after spending the entire night away drowning in his own sorrow and a bottle of whiskey. He felt as if he was living on borrowed time, a part of himself having died that fateful night. His family did not do their part to help, in his opinion, always nagging and complaining and demanding time and attention. But even they knew better than to force their way into his office, which is why Polly barging in like a storm came as a shock. But not as much as her words

“ _Where is your sister?”_ Her tone was demanding, but laced with a hint of well disguised panic.

_“Which one? I have two sisters; in case you don’t remember”_

_“Don’t play games with me Thomas. Where is (Y/N)?”_ Her fist colliding with the oak desk was just a startling as her words. “ _Your maid says she has not seen her and neither have any of us. So, well?”_ Polly already knew the answer to her question, but she wanted to test Tommy on this one.

 _“Probably out with the horses, getting herself muddied in the stables or climbing up a tree like a fucking monkey”_ Now that it had been brought up to his attention, he hadn’t heard you around the house since you two had breakfast together on Friday, and now it was Sunday. Being quiet and invisible was definitely not something you’d do

_“Wrong. Not even one member of your house staff has seen a single hair of hers since Friday. Neither have anyone from the family, the office or the Garrison. I have had John and Finn asking around all morning and nothing. In case you still don’t get it, your sister is missing”_

Those words did something inside him. A gelid feeling spread across his body, like a bucket of icy cold water. His stomach churned and, by the time his hands got a grip on the phone, his fingers had already started to tremble _“Send everyone out to find her. Close the shop and get all the Blinders we have. All hands and eyes of this”_

_“I’ve already seen to that. I sent your stable boy to see if she’s around in the field, and Esme to ask around with the Lees. Let me handle the business, and you bring my baby back home”_

It had been a while since Tommy had felt his heart beat this fast, as if a drummer had taken control over his pulse. But unlike the previous times, his rapid heartbeat was not out of love or excitement. It was pure, sheer fear overwhelming him. They had always had enemies, and more than once those men crossed the line. Had one of them snatched his sister away right under his nose?

~

The smell of the sea was so unfamiliar to you, incomparable in any way to the stench of coal and industry waste from Small Heath. Once you got used to it, you could feel the air cleansing your lungs and your soul. Your small window had a perfect view of the port, people coming and going with every ship, carrying suitcases and dreams with them. If you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, you could still feel the rocking of the steamboat beneath your feet. The nervous giddiness you felt as the ship sailed into the unknown night, when it finally dawned upon you what you had done and that no one, not even Thomas fucking Shelby, would be able to stop you.

The moment you set foot in London you hailed a taxi to Ada’s place; fully aware it would be empty. A perfect hiding spot for the night, but you didn’t want to push your luck, so you departed early morning, having snatched one of Ada’s old coats and a pair of heels. The reason? Hopefully look old enough to have no one asking stupid questions. From there you sat in a tea shop, pondering your options over your breakfast. Nowhere in England you could hide from the Peaky Blinders, and even reaching out to Wales or Scotland wasn’t a completely safe bet. The only way to step out of your family’s shadow was to leave that wretched island. It took a lot of internal debating to come up with a solution, but once you made up your mind, you were decided. The plan was full of failures and complications and was almost impossible to achieve, but your brothers taught you that impossible was not part of the Shelby vocabulary. And you took that advice by heart as you purchased a train ticket to Dover, but that place was just a scale.

Your real destination? France


	2. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long considering the chapter was almost done. But I was away from home for a week and forgot to take my laptop with me to work on this. Next chapter you'll get to see how reader survives her first days on the continent!

7 days. 7 whole days since anyone last saw you and emotions were running wild in the family. They had exhausted every option and worn out every man under their command, searching far and wide for the missing girl. The effect of your absence was visible in each member. Finn barely spoke or slept, Polly drank and smoked twice as much as usual, and many nights Arthur and John stayed in Watery Lane, hoping to see you walk through the door as if nothing ever happened. Ada had her hands full, having to look after Karl, Charlie and now Tommy, who had sunk deeper into his self-dug hole. The dark circles accentuated his blue eyes, and the paleness of his sunken cheeks only added to the cadaveric effect. He still went out with the horse every night without miss, but Ada suspected he went out looking for you.

Guilt ate him alive every waking hour, his consciousness screaming at him for not taking care of you properly, after having sworn to himself and his family he would protect you like his own daughter. Not even in his sleep could he find solace for his grief, for a new nightmare had come to plague his dreams; you standing at the end of a long hallway, always within sight but out of reach, and no matter how fast he ran, whenever Tommy thought he had you back in his arms, you slipped from his grasp like sand.

Thomas would never admit out loud that he recognized he was to blame for this and would never forgive himself if you were hurt, or worse, because of his carelessness. Four years he fought in the war to build a better world for you, every day he worked for your future. So much he worked on that, Tommy forgot to actually look after you, and make sure you were always safe. If he had been more careful, if he had paid attention, you would still be at his side. But he hadn’t and now all he could do was find you, even if he had to lift every stone in England.

~

Tommy thought that it wasn’t humanly possible to be this stressed, but his worries were about to skyrocket the moment the entire family marched into his office. All of his siblings, the wives, Michael, Uncle Charlie and Curly; a whole family meeting. Finn had even brought Isaiah along for emotional support. Heading the retinue was Polly, bearing a grimace on her face and a letter in her hand. The crinkled and worn out paper had clearly been passed around a lot, already having small rips in the folds, and stains in the corners. Polly smoothed out the paper in front of Tommy, along with a partly torn envelope “ _Read it”_

She didn’t need to say it twice. That calligraphy was unmistakeable. Only his little poppet dotted the “I’s” with full circles and double looped the ends of sentences. The letter shook in his hands, as if it weighed a thousand pounds, burning his hands like an open flame. Yet he collected himself enough to read out loud.

_“Dear Family:_

_First of all, I am sorry. I apologize for not getting in touch sooner, but the transoceanic post service can’t be trusted. Yes, you read that right, transoceanic. To answer your biggest question, I am currently residing in Calais, France. Do not try to come and fetch me, for I am planning on moving away as soon as possible._

_How did I do it? Well, this is real proof you truly underestimated my ability to plot, and how little attention you actually pay to anything but yourselves. Friday night I left for London and stayed at Ada’s place. Tell her I borrowed a coat and left the lights off. From there I went to Dover and took the night boat to Calais. Where did I get the money? I took it from Tommy’s safe; he ought to think of a better combination. How did I get documentation? I traded a couple favours and an emerald ring with a Lee boy. They have a lot to offer, if you know whom to ask._

_Why did I leave? I needed out. Out from being looked down, cast aside or generally ignored. Out from feeling like I am more of a burden than an asset for everyone, both in the family and the company. Away from feeling the family I love with all my heart slip away from me and each other with each passing day. I could barely recognize any of you._

_Everyone moved on without me, even Finn, while I was stuck behind and all I could do was watch, as if I was standing on the other side of a glass. Tommy was even going to send me away. But I spared him the trouble and money and did it myself, on my own terms. I can’t help but wonder how long it took you to notice my absence. Or if you did at all; maybe this is the first time you’ll look up from your stacks of money since I left._

_I will come back, some day. I don’t know when, but one day my roots and my heart will pull me back to the place I once called home. But in the meantime I’ll go on my own way just like you have all done. I just took it to the next level, the Shelby way. I promise to write in hopes of easing any concerns about me, if you have them at all. Only worry if you don’t hear from me in a month. Try not to miss me too hard, but since we barely saw each other anymore, the absence will be barely noticeable._

_Wishing you the best of luck_

_Yours_

_(Y/N) (Y/M/N) Shelby_

Everyone held their breaths, waiting for his reaction. John and Arthur even had a bet running on Tommy either trashing the office down or him going entirely blank. So they waited, and waited, while Thomas kept staring at the paper, cigarette turning to ash on his lips. His piercing eyes moved from side to side frantically, rereading over and over the same line, just one line, the only one that had caught his attention; those two little words.

Calais, France.

You were in fucking France. From all places, you chose the one country in this whole world none of your brothers could ever bear to set foot in again. The one place that showed up in each of their nightmares, and would do so for the rest of their lives. It felt as if you did it to punish them. Your own little form of revenge.

Tommy refused to believe it. His darling girl didn’t have the guts, or the wits to actually run away. Not that he believed you coward or lacking intelligence, but you were just a _child._ A child who still had stuffed animals piled on your bed, scrunched your nose at the taste of strong liquor, and wore your hair in plaits around the house. Tommy would have believed more about you running away with the Lees, or hiding in a room in Ada’s place for weeks; that was more your type of doing. That feeble and unconvincing argument was all he had to keep his frantic thoughts at bay, and he held onto that makeshift lie like a lifeline.

Polly tried her best to play it dumb, when in reality she was about ready to stab Tommy with her hatpin. She helped herself to a glass of whiskey and lit a cigarette, sitting across from Tommy, figuring out that if they waited for him to speak; they would all spend the night on their feet. Her face was absolutely unreadable as she leaned back on her seat, legs crossed and her purse carefully balanced on top of her knee.

 _“What did she mean you were going to send her away?”_ Her grip around the glass tightened until her knuckles were white, yet did her best to keep a calm demeanour rather than launch herself forward and whack her nephew around the head with her handbag. Although maybe that way she’d get his three remaining brain cells to work and figure a way to clean up this mess and drag you back home, even if he had to drag himself on his knees to wherever you were and beg. Right then, for her, your safety was more important than his hurt ego.

Tommy’s moves were slowly and heavy, as if he was moving through tar. The screech of the chair against the floorboards barely fazed him as he dragged his body to the window behind him, forehead pressed against the cool glass _“I planned to send her to a nice boarding school in the north.”_ Spoken out loud, it sounded even worse than in his head. And the adding of the word ‘nice’ did little to soften the seriousness of his statement “ _I thought it was a good idea and it would be good for her”_ He defended himself, although his excuses fell upon deaf ears. John and Finn were ready to deliver a few punches, but Polly beat them to it as she threw a leather bound book straight to his head. She barely had time to look at the cover but it felt heavy enough in her hands; and would surely leave a nice bump. But hurting Tommy physically wouldn’t clench the boiling anger inside her.

_“You fucker. You absolutely blithering idiot. How could you do something like this to her? You took her from me, swearing you’d care for her, and not only were you planning to send her away without consulting or even telling us, she also managed to run away to another fucking country right from under your goddamn nose. I don’t understand how Charlie is –“_

_“Don’t you dare go there”_ He turned to face Polly so fast he stumbled over his chair, finger pointed in her direction. Tommy could take all the insults and books to the head she wanted, but he wouldn’t allow a single soul to comment on the way he raised his son. Only two people had the right to talk about it, and one of them was already dead.

“ _Don’t you dare point at me like you’re scolding your maid. You are my nephew and owe me some respect. You should be ashamed of yourself. I am certainly ashamed to call you family right now”_ Another outburst of rage made her smash her glass against the wall. The Shelbys weren’t foreign to Polly’s anger, but only on counted times they saw her display such levels of fury. Her eyes had darkened and her teeth bared with each word; a lioness defending her cub from the predator; no one in the room was jealous of Tommy’s position _“If you weren’t up to the task you could have asked anyone to take her, or let her be as the near adult she is, yet you decided the best idea was to toss her away as if she was just an unwanted ward. I swear to God your mother would be rolling over in her grave if she knew-“_

Polly may have crossed a line there, yet no one would attempt to counter her statement or defend Tommy. Those words were like a hard blow to the gut, but deep down, everyone knew they were true. Their mother had always insisted in the importance of family, and had her older children swear to her they would stick together through thick and thin, for at the end of the day, all they had was each other. They had all failed her in their own way. If she could see them now, and see the way they acted towards each other, she would surely cry.

A deep, heavy silence had fallen over those present in the room. When Tommy finally dared to tear his gaze away from Polly, he noticed all eyes in the room were on him. His entire family staring back, angry, hurt, judging him and his actions. If looks could kill, he would have dropped dead a dozen times. A nasty feeling settled on the pit of his stomach as he took in every member, every pair of eyes, pursed lips and clenched fists. Each one eyeing him with one common feeling.

Disappointment.

The scene was too hard to bear, even for a man of stone like himself. Their judgement hurt him in a way he hadn’t been hurt before. A sort of dull pain that went beyond the body, stinging deep into whatever of his soul was left. If anyone else had dared look at him like that, he would have put a bullet right between their eyes. But these people were his kin, his family; his own blood. All looking at him as if he was the lowest piece of scum to ever set foot on this Earth.

The feeling was overwhelming, maddening, overcoming his senses. He couldn’t think clearly, the ground beneath his feet swaying and forcing him to steady himself on the desk like an old man whose forces were failing him. Right now more than ever, he needed a clear mind. Without thinking straight, he would never find you.

In a rather harsh outburst, he rounded up the family with his arms and shoved them out the door like he was ushering drunkards out of a bar. Some didn’t need to be asked twice, for the environment inside that office had become unbearable, and the Shelbys were still mourning the absence of their little sister. But Polly refused to end things like this, without even getting some sort of remorse out of him. Her profanities and screams were heard loud and clear even after Tommy had closed and locked the door on her face. The second he heard their footsteps getting away, he launched himself to the phone. He had men in every port, every border of every city; they would know if you had left. And so his man in Dover told him, he had no (Y/N) Shelby in any list of the past week. But he did have a young girl with the same name, surname Strong. The man described her, point by point detailing your aspect until Tommy could actually see you in the port with your suitcases and blue ribbons in your hair. You had actually done it.

You left.


	3. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is all right...until is not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes or inconsistencies I may have made, for I didn't proofread but I will do it later

France wasn’t as bad as your brothers made it out to be.

When you first set foot into the city to find a post office, you thought you’d step into a wasteland of gutted buildings and children begging for money on the streets, starving people fighting for bread or thieves trying to take your belongings, which even made you hide your money inside your dress. But what you encountered instead was a nice little town with busy streets and people eating and chatting at the tables of the many, many cafes. To compare this place with Small Heath was like comparing coal to gold.

As much as you loved it, you couldn’t stay.

You had already informed your family you wouldn’t settle down in Calais, and even though you made it clear you’d be gone soon, you wouldn’t put it past them to take a boat and come to get you before you were lost again. If the lady from the post office was right, you had more or less a week, counting from the moment you dropped off your letter, to pick out a new location and hide. Seven days before everyone knew where you were and what you had done. The outburst of fury Tommy was bound to have would surely be heard all over the United Kingdom. A part of you thought he’d be angrier at the theft of the money and his wife’s jewels than your departure, but you forced yourself to push those ideas out of your mind; thinking about home was painful, and you had bigger worries to tend at the moment. 

On your first day, you purchased a map of the country, and spent three days pondering your options in your little room. France was a vast country, and the childish side of you feared to venture too deeply into its lands and be lost forever. You did your best to remember every city your brothers mentioned being in and steering clear of those, still feeling biased due to the stories of war. Paris was the safest option, but also the most obvious and the first place they would search if they tried to find you, yet you didn’t dare move onto one of the hundreds of small towns and villages dotting the land. The map was soon covered in crosses and circles, little notes on the sides where you scribbled pros and cons of each place. The more you narrowed your options, the harder it became to pick a place. Making choices wasn’t your forte, especially when your own brothers made important decisions by tossing a coin.

Bingo

Now, a coin wouldn’t get you through all your options, but leaving things to fate would simplify the process. During one of the mealtimes at the inn, you snuck one of the steak knives into your room. Placing the map on the floor, each corner held by a shoe, you stood on top of the bed, knife in one hand and the other covering your eyes. After mumbling a little prayer, you took a deep breath and threw the knife at the boarded floor with all your strength, grinning at the dull sound of metal cutting wood. Hopping off the bed, you knelt on the map to read the name of the city, neatly cut in half by the sharp blade. Easily as that, your next destination had been picked.

You were going to Versailles.

~

Ever since the arrival of that fateful letter, things had been going from bad to worse at home, to say the least. Tommy went from barely seeing his family to have them parading into his office almost every single day, but not with kind intentions. All of them, from Polly down to Uncle Charlie had been to his home at least once. He had been insulted, smacked, talked down and even threatened by Esme to be cursed for life. He would have gladly given in to whatever they wanted him to do just to get them off his back, but everyone demanded something different from him. Everyone agreed it was Tommy’s duty to deliver an apology, admit he had been an absolute disgrace of a brother and beg for forgiveness; but what to do after was still open for debate.

Some demanded that he bring you back, whatever the means. But others were under the opinion that this was just a teenager sized tantrum and that eventually you would come back to your senses and return home like a dog with its tail between its legs and crying your eyes out. They just had to sit and wait.

But they waited.

And waited.

Yet you didn’t come back, nor write again. John was going crazy with worry, and Finn had threatened to go and fetch you himself more than once, but he always came to realize he had no idea where to look. Tempers were running wild and everyone bickered constantly about what to do about you. 

Meanwhile Tommy was going insane inside his own head.

You running away was bad enough in his eyes. But you running off to the land of his nightmares was something he never expected and he couldn’t cope with. Keeping a brave façade was Tommy’s number one skill, but the lie couldn’t be kept up forever, and the second he was alone at home every night, the mask crumbled. Riddled with guilt, he had pushed aside most of his work to devise a plan to find you with what little information you had given. You continued to plague his dreams, but the scenery had changed. 

You were no longer at the end of a long hallway. Now Tommy saw you in the battlefield, running across no man’s land with the white dress he bought you for your birthday billowing in the wind and mud on your feet. Side by side with other young soldiers; holding a rifle, fingers stiff with cold and fear, teeth clattering under the heavy rain. Sometimes you were digging up a trench, fixing the barbed wire fences, or dragging dead boys back to the safe side. Your pale Shelby blue eyes empty and void of emotion, mirroring those of your brothers and their comrades. Plenty of times you died in those dreams, caught by a bullet or shell, or simply frozen or starved to death in the harsh winter, no matter how hard Tommy tried to keep you warm and fed. Each nightmare cut off another strand off of his sanity, and any moment now he’d completely lose his mind. But he didn’t expect it to be so soon

~

Versailles was probably the better decision you had taken in your whole life, and you were sure fate wanted you there for a reason. As soon as you (or rather your knife) had made your decision, you arranged everything for your departure and, some two weeks after your arrival in France, you had packed yourself and all your bags into a third class train carriage. The landscapes were so different from those at home, and you found yourself with your nose glued to the window like a curious child, taking in everything this world had to offer. The trip took up most of your afternoon, and so by the time you had stepped off into the train station, it was almost sunset and you had nowhere to stay and no idea where to go. Clearly you hadn’t planned this through properly, but you had plenty of money and your Shelby wit to save your ass. You had survived up to this point just fine.

What could go wrong?

Loaded with two suitcases you could barely carry, you ventured into the center of the city, urging yourself to set your priorities straight, for every corner there seemed to be something new and interesting you wanted to see. Despite whatever your brothers had told you, so far France seemed like a dream come true. Asking here and there, trying to act like an uninterested lady rather than a desperate teen, you were directed to a lodging for single women in a nice looking neighbourhood. It was rather expensive and would quickly drain your savings if you planned a prolonged stay, so it would have to be for a night only until you found a cheaper option or got a job. When you asked for mealtimes they informed you the hostel only offered breakfasts, and dinner had to be reserved before 6 PM; but there were plenty of small restaurants and cafes where you could grab something quick to eat, if you went right away. Perfect, an excuse to explore the city before bedtime, to burn off energy and calm some of your nerves. 

Now, wherever you went in England, you knew you had nothing to worry about. Even if you walked in the dead of the night in a shady area, no one would dare touch a single hair of your head and unleash the relentless fury of the Peaky Blinders. You were untouchable and enjoyed that privilege deeply. But their influence hadn’t reached the continent. Here in France no one knew them nor you, and you were as defenceless as anyone else. But having grown up overly protected, you knew nothing of keeping your guards up or being defensive like many other women did. You simply strolled down the growingly darker streets, a few bills tucked in the pocket of your skirt and an impossibly wide smile painted on your lips. Right there, on your own and in a beautiful place, away from your family’s shadow, you felt the happiness and excitement you hadn’t experienced in a long while. A new adventure unfolded right in front of you, and you were the sole protagonist of this story.

But like all good things in your life, it wouldn’t last long.

Careless as you were, you hadn’t even noticed that, in your eagerness to see as much as possible before bed, you had strayed off the center of the city and towards a residential neighbourhood, where streets were far emptier and lighting was scarce. The buildings were a mixture of old and new architecture, surely a leftover of the Great War and the pass of time. You were so caught up on the beauty of your surroundings, that you didn’t notice the steps coming from the alley on your right until a strong hand had wrapped around your upper arm, the other clamped firmly over your mouth, silencing the scream that never came. 

In a split second your frame had disappeared into the shadows between two tall and narrow buildings, your vision obscured by someone’s large frame. Even if you knew personal defence, your body became paralyzed with fear. Not once in your short life had you considered you’d find yourself in this type of situation. Somebody had always come to your aid. But, as heavy tears rolled down your cheeks, it finally dawned on you that you were alone this time. 

Help wouldn't come

~

Family meetings had been an uncomfortable affair for a while now. Tommy giving preference to Michael and the legal side of business was enough to create frictions between the brothers. But in the last days they couldn’t speak more than ten words without fighting and cussing at each other. The living room had become a warzone and any moment someone would lose some blood. What had started the discussion no one could recall anymore, but now John had grabbed Tommy by the collar of his shirt and had pushed him against a wall, while the others sat back and watched the scene unfold, no one making the smallest attempt to salvage the elder brother. John’s teeth were gritted with such strength he had snapped his usual toothpick in half.

_ “How can we expect you to look after the business when you can’t even look after your baby sister?”  _ John had pulled his victim close a few inches, only to slam him again against the wooden panels. Thomas had pulled back to head-butt John on the nose, but they were interrupted by the sound of fine china shattering. Everyone turned to Polly, who looked as surprised as anyone as she stared down at her tea stained shoes. Her eyes were out of focus, as if she had just woken up from a dream.

_ “Aunt Pol?” _ Finn tentatively reached out to touch her arm, slowly and ready to move out of the way as if she was a feral horse  _ “Are you okay?” _

_ “I- I am okay. I just suddenly felt terribly cold”  _ Her voice was perfectly collected, but those who had grown up with her knew better. Her body betrayed her, she looked scared and her eyes were lying. The fight, the argument and the meeting itself were all forgotten as they all surrounded the matriarch of the family waiting for an explanation  _ “It’s probably nothing is you two just getting on my nerves and-“ _ she attempted to stand, but Tommy gently pushed her back onto the sofa.

_ “Don’t lie Pol. Not to us. We know you are better than that” _

Polly swallowed thickly, feeling as if the insides of her mouth had suddenly turned to sandpaper  _ “I think… I think something really bad has just happened…to her” _

No one asked. They all knew. A deadly silence fell over the family as everyone exchanged worried looks, trying to take in what they had been told. Of course it was just a feeling, a hunch Polly had…but Polly was never, ever wrong about these types of things. Nothing ever went over her head; if she said something bad had happened…well, they could only sit back and hope she was mistaken, while secretly knowing she was not wrong.

But Tommy couldn’t sit back and wait with the others, staring at his hands and hoping for something to happen. He was never one to wait for things to come his way, and he wouldn’t start now. Swift on his feet, he went to fetch his coat and cap; it was too late for calls and he prefered to handle this business in person. No one had noticed his actions until he was heading for the exit. In a moment Arthur and John were on his tail, just like the old days

_ “What are you doing Tommy?”  _ Arthur’s raspy voice was the first to break the unbearable silence, watching his brother prepare to leave

_ “I’m done with this. This charade ends right now. I’m bringing (Y/N) home even if it is the last fucking thing I do”  _ He checked the bullets in his gun and stuck a cigarrette between his lips  _ “Polly stays in charge until I’m done with this” _

_ “What are you gonna do, eh? Go to France yourself to find her?”  _ John looked absolutely bewildered by his brother’s idea

_ “That’s exactly what I’m planning to do John boy. Even if I have to knock down every door until I find her” _

_ “Searching the whole bloody country for her will be like finding a needle in a fucking haystack” _

_ “Then the French better brace themselves, because I am burning down the whole damn pile to find my needle”  _ Tommy gave his brothers one last look, and walked out into the darkness.


End file.
